‘Plants. Growing.’

Baby salads. Baby greens. Look at those cute red curls, look at those innocent green eyes.

I feel like probably every young parent must feel: ‘How da f*ck do I keep these alive?, Who decided I am allowed to be in charge of something living?’How am I ever going to afford tuition for all of them? Where do I get a decent nanny? I suck as a parent, that is evident. All I wanted was a one night salad. And now I am stuck with this. Set up by that vegan girl.

‘How da f*ck do I keep these alive?, Who decided I am allowed to be in charge of something living?’

Besides, this feels like eating veal or lamb, I am not equipped to be confronted with the real world of vegetarianism. Those cruel ways salads are grown and fattened, in small cages.

I just want to buy one that is all grown up, mature. One I can chop up into a ceasar salad without the nightmares of teary leaves waving goodbye to their moms. This isn’t working at all.

Carrots, I am switching to carrots from now on. And I’ll wear rubber gloves when I touch them, just to be sure.