‘Cribs’

The photographer had done a great job including the yacht and getting his ’good’ side.

Seagull ocean view with yacht
Seagull selfie, #nofilter

He had made a great location choice, he reassured himself. The scenery added to his mystique and sense of aesthetic sophistication. It gave him depth too. Still, aside from the success-oozing view from his crib, they could’ve got rid of the shit on his balcony and photoshopped some more so his legs wouldn’t look so fat.

 

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‘Left behind: baby shoes. Clearly worn’

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Six word story

I’d like to believe he took ’em off drunk because he bet his friends he could run a mile on bare feet while wearing a turkey costume, got tired, crawled in the ditch, fell asleep, woke up and couldn’t remember a thing.

Hung-over.

It’s more likely his mom forgot them after getting ready for the car after a family day on the beach.

Still… I like my version better, with or without him being filmed and turning up on the internet, going viral, because he also did very real impressions of the sound turkeys would make when betting on such things.

‘Pointing fingers’

Cactuses. Acting like they know it all.

cactus in the sun looking down on me
This time it’s personal.

Condescendingly looking down at me, like it’s ‘Mister Cacti, Sir’, for me.

Scolding me for forgetting to wear sunscreen in California. Yeah, go ahead; judge me for that little mistake. Like sunburn isn’t punishment enough.

Still, I get to drink six liters of water a day or whatever the nutritionist recommends these days. That’s more than you guys I am sure. And your leaves are fat by the way! Just saying….

WHAt did you just whisper about my mom??!?!!

‘Plant Top Model’

Just entertaining myself photoshopping a fern into the ‘right’ proportions.

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Low plant esteem

Whatever body issues she used to have, its all slimmed down, retouched and color enhanced into the fern she could be. Should be.

Actually she could be a palm-tree if she would just stick to this new diet. Got out of the sun forever. And lost the unflattering, cheap earth she uses to treat her roots. Or Read More

Gun Control

4 gunshots and then, another 2.

Je maakt wat mee zo in de damesdouches van de camping aan de 101. Volgens nat haar links in de spiegel was dat rond 2 a.m. geweest en volgens badslippers rechts had haar man daarna nog een uur wakker gelegen. Ik niet. Als ik slaap dan slaap ik, heb ik geleerd. De geruststelling dat ik het echte spectakel gemist had kwam met de woorden ’well I’ve not seen any police so I guess it was nothing, right? Just someone scaring campers’. Heerlijk, gun control.