Such a cute couple. They ran into each other in the supermarket.
He had eyed her for an hour before fate brought them together in my plastic shopping bag. So romantic.
They’ve been together ever since.
Embracing life, growing old together. In my fruitbowl. Didn’t have the stomach to split them up and eat them. True love until the very end.
The kiwi wasn’t happy. Not necessarily green with envy, more a slight disappointment in my not giving him time to fix his hair before the picture.
Ingredients:
Time to prepare: just long enough to get annoyed with the tomatoes and worried about the garlic.
Start by cutting, chopping and sprinkling. Then hand it over to the nearest adult who knows how to finish the rest of the recipe. Right, the part you forgot to write down.
tomatoes are red
the fennel seeds are brown
build your own mountain
don’t tumble down
So many cherries to pick, so little time. Maybe he was just being lazy. Maybe he had no standards. Who’d knew?
In any case he needed a ladder or at least a leg up. Someone’s leg, going all the way up… To get there he needed to stretch his arm, just a little further, just a little closer.
All he wanted was a little taste, he would not have to eat them all right away.
Right? He could almost touch them. Ripe for the plucking.
‘Those are poisonous, you idiot’.
He knew he should have never brought his nerdy friends along. They would cherry-block him forever with their criticism and snarky comments. They would make him look bad. This was going to be a fruitless attempt. Juice it would be tonight. Cherry juice.
Toen ik na de uitgebreide bestelling van een veganistische appeltaart van mijn voorganger enkel een blik tonijn vrolijk op de toonbank zette,
besefte ik dat het personeel van de biologische supermarkt mijn trek in zelfgemaakte tonijnsalade precies op dat moment ernstig aan het veroordelen was.
Baby salads. Baby greens. Look at those cute red curls, look at those innocent green eyes.
I feel like probably every young parent must feel: ‘How da f*ck do I keep these alive?, Who decided I am allowed to be in charge of something living?’How am I ever going to afford tuition for all of them? Where do I get a decent nanny? I suck as a parent, that is evident. All I wanted was a one night salad. And now I am stuck with this. Set up by that vegan girl.
‘How da f*ck do I keep these alive?, Who decided I am allowed to be in charge of something living?’
Besides, this feels like eating veal or lamb, I am not equipped to be confronted with the real world of vegetarianism. Those cruel ways salads are grown and fattened, in small cages.
I just want to buy one that is all grown up, mature. One I can chop up into a ceasar salad without the nightmares of teary leaves waving goodbye to their moms. This isn’t working at all.
Carrots, I am switching to carrots from now on. And I’ll wear rubber gloves when I touch them, just to be sure.
Someone clearly is using his god complex to not only toy with life but also to Cheat at Tic Tac Toe. In a disturbingly unsubtle way.
Figured having brunch as planned with only strawberries for their vitamin C would be racist, sexist or even interpreted as socialist (you never know nowadays with the internet and irony). So I threw in blueberries for their color. Just to be safe…
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