‘Duck Face’

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Tender Tinder Stories

She clearly went overboard on the concealer and mascara but there was something about her profile picture that was exciting.

There was something wild but she also looked a little high maintenance. He was still not sure whether to swipe…

Right.

Blowing fire, swallowing balls. She had so many hobbies. And the other picture had her in bikini.

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‘Eat Your Vegetables’

photo 1-2 copyThe young parents took great care to take the detour whenever they went into town. Basically because it was impossible to get little Tommy to keep walking when they accidentally took the wrong turn. They had to drag him away from all the colours. Everytime.

Tears, tantrum, trouble.

The candy aisle in the shop was a walk in the park compared to walking the red square.

‘José&Juliet’

IMG_2086She didn’t even have to say it. He knew she had been with someone else and it broke his heart. He always thought they would be together forever.

Now, no matter how often she said ‘sorry’. He couldn’t stop looking at her without having his eyes tear up. It was killing him.

 

‘Left behind: baby shoes. Clearly worn’

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Six word story

I’d like to believe he took ’em off drunk because he bet his friends he could run a mile on bare feet while wearing a turkey costume, got tired, crawled in the ditch, fell asleep, woke up and couldn’t remember a thing.

Hung-over.

It’s more likely his mom forgot them after getting ready for the car after a family day on the beach.

Still… I like my version better, with or without him being filmed and turning up on the internet, going viral, because he also did very real impressions of the sound turkeys would make when betting on such things.

‘Pointing fingers’

Cactuses. Acting like they know it all.

cactus in the sun looking down on me
This time it’s personal.

Condescendingly looking down at me, like it’s ‘Mister Cacti, Sir’, for me.

Scolding me for forgetting to wear sunscreen in California. Yeah, go ahead; judge me for that little mistake. Like sunburn isn’t punishment enough.

Still, I get to drink six liters of water a day or whatever the nutritionist recommends these days. That’s more than you guys I am sure. And your leaves are fat by the way! Just saying….

WHAt did you just whisper about my mom??!?!!

‘Plant Top Model’

Just entertaining myself photoshopping a fern into the ‘right’ proportions.

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Low plant esteem

Whatever body issues she used to have, its all slimmed down, retouched and color enhanced into the fern she could be. Should be.

Actually she could be a palm-tree if she would just stick to this new diet. Got out of the sun forever. And lost the unflattering, cheap earth she uses to treat her roots. Or Read More

Gun Control

4 gunshots and then, another 2.

Je maakt wat mee zo in de damesdouches van de camping aan de 101. Volgens nat haar links in de spiegel was dat rond 2 a.m. geweest en volgens badslippers rechts had haar man daarna nog een uur wakker gelegen. Ik niet. Als ik slaap dan slaap ik, heb ik geleerd. De geruststelling dat ik het echte spectakel gemist had kwam met de woorden ’well I’ve not seen any police so I guess it was nothing, right? Just someone scaring campers’. Heerlijk, gun control.