‘Plants. Growing.’

One night salad, no protection, baby spinach

Baby salads. Baby greens. Look at those cute red curls, look at those innocent green eyes.

I feel like probably every young parent must feel: ‘How da f*ck do I keep these alive?, Who decided I am allowed to be in charge of something living?’How am I ever going to afford tuition for all of them? Where do I get a decent nanny? I suck as a parent, that is evident. All I wanted was a one night salad. And now I am stuck with this. Set up by that vegan girl.

‘How da f*ck do I keep these alive?, Who decided I am allowed to be in charge of something living?’

Besides, this feels like eating veal or lamb, I am not equipped to be confronted with the real world of vegetarianism. Those cruel ways salads are grown and fattened, in small cages.

I just want to buy one that is all grown up, mature. One I can chop up into a ceasar salad without the nightmares of teary leaves waving goodbye to their moms. This isn’t working at all.

Carrots, I am switching to carrots from now on. And I’ll wear rubber gloves when I touch them, just to be sure.

‘Screw you guys, I’m going home’

This ‘being boxed up’ was a problem. How was he ever going to get into his Bathman suit unseen?

Robin, that little sh*t, was by now surely off fighting crime by himself and taking all the credit.

What he needed was a distraction…

something big.

‘Playing games’

Someone clearly is using his god complex to not only toy with life but also to Cheat at Tic Tac Toe. In a disturbingly unsubtle way.

by Anyone Specific
Posted on June 26, 2015August 21, 2016

‘End of the Line’

I’d like to believe he took ’em off drunk because he bet his friends he could run a mile on bare feet while wearing a turkey costume, got tired, crawled in the ditch, fell asleep, woke up and couldn’t remember a thing.

Hung-over.

It’s more likely his mom forgot them after getting ready for the car after a family day on the beach.

Still… I like my version better, with or without him being filmed and turning up on the internet, going viral, because he also did very real impressions of the sound turkeys would make when betting on such things.

‘Pointing fingers’

Cactuses. Acting like they know it all.

cactus in the sun looking down on me — This time it’s personal.

Condescendingly looking down at me, like it’s ‘Mister Cacti, Sir’, for me.

Scolding me for forgetting to wear sunscreen in California. Yeah, go ahead; judge me for that little mistake. Like sunburn isn’t punishment enough.

Still, I get to drink six liters of water a day or whatever the nutritionist recommends these days. That’s more than you guys I am sure. And your leaves are fat by the way! Just saying….

WHAt did you just whisper about my mom??!?!!

by Anyone Specific
Posted on May 29, 2015August 21, 2016

’71’

Just entertaining myself photoshopping a fern into the ‘right’ proportions.

Whatever body issues she used to have, its all slimmed down, retouched and color enhanced into the fern she could be. Should be.

Actually she could be a palm-tree if she would just stick to this new diet. Got out of the sun forever. And lost the unflattering, cheap earth she uses to treat her roots. Or Read More

Gun Control

4 gunshots and then, another 2.

Je maakt wat mee zo in de damesdouches van de camping aan de 101. Volgens nat haar links in de spiegel was dat rond 2 a.m. geweest en volgens badslippers rechts had haar man daarna nog een uur wakker gelegen. Ik niet. Als ik slaap dan slaap ik, heb ik geleerd. De geruststelling dat ik het echte spectakel gemist had kwam met de woorden ’well I’ve not seen any police so I guess it was nothing, right? Just someone scaring campers’. Heerlijk, gun control.

‘猫食/cat food’

She opened her eyes and stretched her back some more. If she was posing, it was as either the cutest political dissident or the most professional pet-market inhabitant.

Working those eyes, selling those bars, waving that tail.

Cage dancing in the humid rain,

for some boy to come along and pick her up to take her home. Making sure she would not end up two streets down where pet food included chopsticks, instead of tinned cans.