‘Expectations vs reality’

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Sorbus Aucuparia

So many cherries to pick, so little time. Maybe he was just being lazy. Maybe he had no standards. Who’d knew?

In any case he needed a ladder or at least a leg up. Someone’s leg, going all the way up… To get there he needed to stretch his arm, just a little further, just a little closer.

All he wanted was a little taste, he would not have to eat them all right away.

Right? He could almost touch them. Ripe for the plucking.

‘Those are poisonous, you idiot’.

He knew he should have never brought his nerdy friends along. They would cherry-block him forever with their criticism and snarky comments. They would make him look bad. This was going to be a fruitless attempt. Juice it would be tonight. Cherry juice.

‘Sunset stress’

IMG_2442She knew taking photo’s wasn’t her forte but this sunset was really hard to capture. It had basically tried to dodge her lens like any other second, f-ing sun and its whimsical routines.

But that’s what she was supposed to do, now that she was away on holiday.

Take pictures. Of everything.

Make it look like she was having a fun time. Fun time, yeah great. She took her notepad and checked the list again. 14 pictures of sunsets were needed on top of those 26 of a pool.

The weird thing was, she did not remember the sun being so small. Clearly a case of ‘all used to be better when I was young’ which turned out t be false. Only hard, tangible data could be trusted. Read More

Superpowers of Deduction

Criminaliteit aan huis. Het heeft wel iets gezelligs.

Ik weet dat ik midden in het centrum woon. Camera’s op elke straathoek, politiebureau op steenworp afstand (niet mijn steenworp – die is heel matig dat weet ik), en heel af en toe ‘s nachts een vechtpartij voor het raam om bij in slaap te vallen. Makkelijks ook. Beetje thuisbezorgd punt.nl, en dan hoef ik niet eens te bellen. Het verlengde van detectives kijken op uitzendinggemist zeg maar.

In ieder geval. Read More

‘José&Juliet’

IMG_2086She didn’t even have to say it. He knew she had been with someone else and it broke his heart. He always thought they would be together forever.

Now, no matter how often she said ‘sorry’. He couldn’t stop looking at her without having his eyes tear up. It was killing him.

 

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Toen ik na de uitgebreide bestelling van een veganistische appeltaart van mijn voorganger enkel een blik tonijn vrolijk op de toonbank zette,

besefte ik dat het personeel van de biologische supermarkt mijn trek in zelfgemaakte tonijnsalade precies op dat moment ernstig aan het veroordelen was.

 

‘Plants. Growing.’

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One night salad, no protection, baby spinach

Baby salads. Baby greens. Look at those cute red curls, look at those innocent green eyes.

I feel like probably every young parent must feel: ‘How da f*ck do I keep these alive?, Who decided I am allowed to be in charge of something living?’How am I ever going to afford tuition for all of them? Where do I get a decent nanny? I suck as a parent, that is evident. All I wanted was a one night salad. And now I am stuck with this. Set up by that vegan girl.

‘How da f*ck do I keep these alive?, Who decided I am allowed to be in charge of something living?’

Besides, this feels like eating veal or lamb, I am not equipped to be confronted with the real world of vegetarianism. Those cruel ways salads are grown and fattened, in small cages.

I just want to buy one that is all grown up, mature. One I can chop up into a ceasar salad without the nightmares of teary leaves waving goodbye to their moms. This isn’t working at all.

Carrots, I am switching to carrots from now on. And I’ll wear rubber gloves when I touch them, just to be sure.